Light
By Sayuru Dabare
It was dark. It was damp. All Jacob felt was rough texture of cold stone brushing against his bruised skin. He opened his eyes but everything seemed blurry. He rubbed them with his gloved hands but he immediately stopped when he realized they were full of mud. He leaned up against one of the stone walls and waited as his sight became less and less of a haze. Jacob realized he was in a cave, an eerie and isolated place surrounded by stone on all sides. There were no windows to the outside, nothing other than a blinding light he saw shining up on a ledge far above him. He couldn’t reach the Light but it shone down into him and illuminated his immediate area. Jacob tried not to panic. He felt a sharp pain at the back if his head and he realized he was bleeding. He didn’t remember how he got here or how to get out. If it wasn’t for the Light he would have no way of seeing anything. He would be lost.
“Jacob Abraham Jonah” he heard a sudden voice say. He looked around frantically thinking it was maybe another person. But he saw no one. He was sure he heard something. So he called out.
“Who’s there? Can you hear me?” he asked but got no reply. All he got was the echoing sound of his own voice on the cave walls. But he knew he must have heard something. He knew he did. He was about to let it go when he heard something again.
“Jacob Abraham Jonah, heed my word!” the voice announced. Jacob was now convinced on its existence. Yet he wasn’t sure where it was coming from. He scuffled back and leaned heavier of the stone wall.
“Is someone there? Can you hear me?” he said in a louder volume. But then once again, he got no response. A few minute passed and Jacob began to doubt the voice again. But then he heard it.
“Heed my word, your salvation lies with I. Heed my word, Jacob” said the voice once again. This time, Jacob listened. He listened very closely. He didn’t quite understand what he was hearing. He didn’t even know for sure whether it was real. All he knew was that he believed that he was hearing something.
“What are you? What do you want from me?” he asked still trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. At the least he was happy to have another voice to talk to.
“I shine down upon you. I shower you with my divinity. I am your savior” the voice said in a slow pace with a rumbling tone like a drum. It sounded mighty. Jacob thought of its words. He thought about them. He then had a realization. He looked up at the Light shining down onto him.
“You’re the Light, aren’t you?” he asked the shapeless, formless being. The voice replied, “I am not mere light. I am the thing that holds back the dark, the hellish abyss. I am sanctuary”
“What do you want from me?” he asked. His tone was now weaker as he struggled against the pain of his bruises and wounds were starting to get to him. He was finding it hard to resist the pain and keep his voice straight. It seemed to get worse every second. But even through all that he found solace and warmth in the Light. He knew that as long as the Light was there he was completely lost.
“Your salvation lies with me, I am your savior” said the Light in an unwavering and constant voice. It sounded rough and commanding yet also evoked a sense of welcoming.
“Then help me, get me out of here!” said Jacob now attempting to stand up. He struggled against the slippery stone but managed to find his grip. He slowly leaned on the stone and used it to stand up. He tried to get a closer look at the Light but the ledge was too high for him to reach.
“Do not fear for I shall guide you out of this horrid existence and show you the light of paradise. But you must first prove yourself worthy” the voice commanded. Its statement perplexed Jacob.
“Prove myself? What do you mean? How?” he asked in disappointment, anger and surprise. He would never have expected such demands.
“Do not question the extent of your service, for that this something only I judge” said the Light. Statement which further enraged Jacob.
“Then how am I supposed to prove myself if I don’t what to do?”
“You will know in time. I shall command and thus you will do. And once I am satisfied I shall light the way to paradise” said the Light not caring about Jacob’s emotions whatsoever. Jacob decided that he should not speak up again lest he wanted to anger the Light and deter it from the prospect of showing him the way out.
“Fine then, I shall do as you command.”
The voice went silent for a while. Jacob didn’t really know why. He waited and waited for it to speak again but it didn’t. Jacob felt the coldness of the outside reach under his clothes and he felt the chill of loneliness similar to that of ice on his skin. He needed warmth. He needed something warmer than the Light of the now silent light. He decided he needed to make a fire.
He looked around his person. He looked inside every pocket and every opening until he found a small metal lighter tucked away at the back of his coat. It was small, but it was better than nothing. He opened the lid and pressed his finger down on the switch. A small yellow-orange flame came rushing out of the Lighter. He held it close and felt its warmth. But as he was basking in a bit of relief he heard the sound of grumbling. He then heard the voice once more.
“Blasphemy” it whispered. “Blasphemy”
“What?” asked Jacob in confused voice and he let go of the switch and extinguished the Lighter flame.
“No light other than mine can be accepted” said the Light.
“What? But how am I supposed to be warm?” asked Jacob.
“I give you warmth, and that is all you will ever need” said the Light.
“But…” Jacob began to argue. But before he could say a word the Light snapped back.
“Disobedience is criminal. If you do not comply I shall smite you with eternal darkness” said the Light as it flickered slightly. Jacob let go of the Lighter and turned to the ledge where the Light was coming from.
“No, don’t!” he pleaded fearing being trapped alone in the endless abyss of the dark.
“You shall write my commandment upon these walls, etch it into this very stone" said the Light. Jacob nodded and obeyed. He took a piece of rock off the floor and began to engrave the word ‘No light other than the glow of the ledge is permitted’ on the nearby stone wall of the cave. He felt like he was losing his sanity. Like he was drifting more and more into madness. But one thing was certain. He had to obey the Light and nothing else. Yet he still had doubts about what he was doing, whether or not this was real, but he decided to bury those thoughts deep in his mind for now. He grabbed a piece of sharp stone from the ground next to his and began his work. He etched the words ‘NO LIGHT OTHER THAN THE LIGHT FROM THE LEDGE IS ACCEPTED’. It took him a while to make such a dent on the hard stone walls. But he still did it in hopes of appeasing the Light.
Once he was done he stayed huddled against the wall of the ledge. The coldness was reaching ever closer to his skin as he stayed. The wounds in his leg were not helping. The pain continued to disturb him endlessly. He couldn’t rest of sleep and he still couldn’t remember why he was here. He soon became hungry, his stomach began to ache out of caving. He had no clue how long he had been in the cave but he knew it had to be a few hours at most. He looked around his coat to see if there was anything he could eat. But there was nothing. He looked up at the Light, which had gone quiet once more.
“If only you could grant me food” he thought. Immediately after this thought he heard the sound of a screech. At first it sounded like a rat or a mouse. But then he heard the faint sound of flapping along the quiet air of the cave. He then heard another screech. He immediately knew what it was.
He looked up and saw something flying above him. He recognized it to be a bat. He felt his stomach rumbled once more. Begging to be fed. But he knew there was nothing he could do.
Unless.
He looked up again, he saw the bat flying overhead with its wings outstretched. He would never under nay normal circumstances consider eating such a thing. But he knew that the circumstances he was in were not normal. He stomach rumbled yet again, which only urged him even more to the grotesque idea of feasting on the screeching mammal above him. He was becoming increasingly desperate. So desperate that he began scheming the demise of the bat. He knew he had to bring it down. But how? He looked around him and saw the sharp and jagged rocks around him. He got an idea. He picked up the rocks within his vicinity and gathered them into his hands. He could stand up but he could still throw. He grabbed a rock into his hand and threw it with all his might. The rock flew a few feet in the air but did not reach the bat before falling down onto the ground next to Jacob. He threw another rock, this one went high enough bit he aim was off and it missed the bat. The bat flew faster in confusion and began to fly out of Jacob’s view. Jacob gasped in dismay as the bat fled into the darkness.
“NO!” he shouted in utter despair.
“Blame the darkness” said a sudden whisper in his ear, “Blame the darkness, for it has attempted to forsake you”.
“What do I do now?” asked Jacob to the Light, “Can you help me?”
“I am generous, I am kind, and I am salvation. Your aid shall come if you pray for it to appear” replied the Light.
“Pray? What will praying do?” asked Jacob now angry yet perplexed at the Light’s answer.
“Pray” said the Light in an almost commanding tone.
Jacob realized he had no choice. There was nothing he can do. No one he could turn to. The Light was the only thing he had. He turned towards the Light and closed his eyes. He began to pray. Not in the name of any god but for himself. He prayed in the name of the Light, thinking that it might provide him salvation. He prayed for the bat to return and he prayed for his own survival. His prayers were selfish and self-centered. But he didn’t care. What mattered to him was his own life. And so he prayed.
A few minutes later. Or was it a few hours? He didn’t know. Time had lost its meaning to him. All he felt was pain of his leg wound and his stomach acting like a feral cat in a small cage. All his other thoughts left him when he once again heard the sound of a screech. He looked back as he heard the flap of wings. He was overjoyed when he saw the bat once again come into his view. He turned to the Light.
“Oh thank you!” he said gratefully, but the Light had once again gone silent.
He armed himself with rocks once more, this time he was determined. He threw the first rock but once again it fell short. He then took his second rock and threw with more might than he had ever conjured before. He watched on as the rock flew in the air and got closer and closer to the bat at a rapid speed. And finally, he watched with overwhelming joy as the rock hit the bat squarely in the chest and he watched it fall down to the ground like an angel falling from heaven. It landed with a loud and chilling thud right next to Jacob at the edge of the Light. Jacob frantically reached for the fallen bat as it twitched and shook as it tried to get back up. Jacob grabbed it with his hands and held its limbs so it couldn’t move. The bat’s measly strength was nothing compared to Jacob’s. Jacob, without thinking twice, then grabbed the bat’s head and snapped its neck with as much force as he could. The bat gave one last desperate squeal before going silent completely. Jacob felt its body become cold in his hands.
Jacob then realized what he had done. Desperation had clouded his mind up until then. He looked at the dead bat in his hands. He realized that, even though he had caught it, he had no way of consuming it. But then he felt his stomach rumble once more which further hindered his logical thought process. He looked at the bat, even the sight of it drove his hunger. He go the overwhelming urge to eat it right then and there. But he fought such thoughts and urges, he fought what he knew was a losing battle.
“Sacrifice” said a sudden whisper. Jacob jolted towards the voice. Now knowing that it was the Light. He focused on the voice. Anything to ignore his hunger.
“What?” he asked.
“Sacrifice” said the voice. Jacob looked at the ledge. Then at the bat. He suddenly realized what it meant.
“You want me to sacrifice this? How?”
“Throw, throw beyond the stone!” the Light commanded.
Jacob thought of it. He didn’t want to. But he knew he had to. He wanted the dead bat for himself but the he knew if he didn’t give it to the Light it might smite him with darkness. And has the cold harsh void and the chilling air got closer, he was staring to become very sacred of what laid beyond the Light. What laid beyond his sanctuary near the ledge?
Jacob tightened his grip on the bat carcass. His mind was conflicted but he decided he had to do it. He threw the carcass over the ledge with one swift throw. He lamented that decision for a bit but decided it was for the best. He could hear the sound of faint grumbling coming from the ledge.
“You have served me well. You remain faithful” said the Light.
“What I am supposed to do? I’ll starve to death here!” Jacob shouted. The Light stayed silent but then it answered his plea.
“Stay silent, stay obedient. You salvation will be at hand soon” it said.
Jacob scoffed silently. He was beginning think that he was going to die. But he knew he needed the Light. He was scarred of the dark. He needed the Light. He thought he needed it.
Jacob huddled next to the stone wall. The coldness was worse than it had ever been, his very breath was white and visible. His only form of sustenance was the little streams of water he found rolling down the ledge. He thanked the Light for that. He felt dizzy and sleepy. He felt his eyes getting heavy and he closed them. He knew if he slept he might take the pain away. And so he slept, he didn’t know for how long. He felt the cold and damp stone brush against his face. It wasn’t jagged or sharp. The water had made the surface of the cave walls smooth and flat. Jacob felt the water run over his hair and clothes. The Light still shone down on him. It made him feel safe, it made him feel special in a way. It separated him from the rest of the environment. It made him feel unique.
He woke up sometime later, he didn’t know how much time had passed. It could have been hours or even days as far as he knew. When he awoke his hunger was now greater than ever and yet the cave was now silent. Not a screech or chirp to be heard. Yet he still had the Light. It persisted and remained. It was, at least to him, the only thing pure and certain.
But was it certain? For logically he knew that all lights go out. But he believed that the Light will stay and maybe if he believed it, it will stay true.
He looked out into the shadowy abyss in front of him. He was still afraid of it. He tired eyes then witnessed what seemed like glints of motion.
Jacob shuffled back. At first in excitement. Maybe the Light has blessed him after all. Maybe all of his sacrifice would be worth it. He watched carefully at the small black masses of shadow rana round in the dark. He thought of leaving the Light to get closer but he knew he couldn’t do that. He painfully crawled his way to the edge of the Light’s view to get a closer look. The objects seemed bigger than any rat or mouse. They did not fly hence they were not bats like earlier. Jacob watched curiously as the things moved about. Just out of sight.
“Evil” said a sudden whisper. Jacob looked around at the Light. “What?” he asked weakly.
“Evil” replied the Light, “Demons run amidst the dark, they wish for our destruction”
Jacob looked back at the mysterious figures. This time he saw a pair of blood red eyes stare back at him. They gazed at him with fury to the point where they made Jacob scuttle back to the ledge. Jacob watched in horror as the red eyes grew bigger as they got closer. As they did Jacob saw them for what they were, a grotesque void of oozing darkness. They were after him, they were after the Light. The red eyes then reared its head to reveal a circular mouth covered with teeth.
“Truth!” said the monster. “TRUTH!”
The monster screeched in a pitch so high that it brought Jacob’s ears to the point of bleeding. Jacob plugged both of his ears and tried to avoid eye contact. But he could still hear the whisper of the Light.
“Protect me” the Light commanded, “Defend your salvation! Defend your sanctuary! Defend ME!”
Jacob listened to the Light. He painfully righted himself along the ledge and covered his hands with stones. He grabbed as many as he could and with all his remaining strength he threw them at the grotesque beast. The rocks bounced off its face and his screeched at the sudden jolts of pain. But once those jolts went away it began its advance again. Jacob threw the rocks as fast as he could but he could only slow the beast down.
“Truth. Truth!” it said in a raspy and pitched voice. The sound made Jacobs ears bleed and so he tried his best to block them by covering one ear with his hand and leaning another against the stone wall of the ledge. Jacob didn’t understand. He was panicking. He prayed to the Light frantically. He could not defend himself. He didn’t understand. He whimpered and watched as the beast inched closer towards him. He was frozen in fear. He watched as the beast crossed over to the Light. Jacob prayed, he prayed with all his might. And suddenly, as the beast crossed over, Jacob saw flash so bright it temporarily blinded him. He heard an agonizing screech and when he looked back he saw the best engulfed in light. It screamed in pain as the light burned away the beast’s skin and smoke bellowed from its simmering flesh.
“Truth… Truth…” it whimpered in pain as it slowly began to dissolve into nothingness. Jacob watched, relieved and somewhat happy. He felt a strange sense of joy watching the beast writhe in pain in front of him knowing that he was safe in the Light and the beast was doomed. The agonizing death almost brought a grin to his starved and dry face.
He turned away as the beast finally withered into dust he turned to the Light. He brought his arms together and prayed.
“Thank you! Thank…You!” he said weakly. The Light gave no reply at first. But they Jacob heard a rumble and a deep breath.
“Your work is not done, there are others. Others who wish you doom”
Jacob then heard a sound from behind him. It sounded although something was slithering around him like a snake. He heard the sound of something scuttling around. The sound ringed in his ear and made Jacob’s heart race. He looked at the dark abyss ahead of him and saw red eyes staring back at him. Their stare was so cold that it shook Jacob’s very soul. But the eyes didn’t move. They just watched him. Jacob couldn’t help staring back. He wanted to see whether the eyes would blink but they didn’t. Jacob watched on in horror scanning the abyss for even the slightest signs of movement. Even then it took him a quite some time to realize that the eyes seem to become larger and larger every passing minute. They seemed to be getting closer. Jacob watched as they approached him. He was horrified of them but he was also fixated on them. They made their way to the edge of the Light. Jacob then saw a long grotesque hand reach put to him. He looked at the hand, it was stretched and fleshy. Almost reptilian. He reached out to Jacob, but not in a threatening way. It unclenched its fist and from it erupted a blaze of fire. It burned in front of Jacob and it swallowed him in its warmth. Jacob had been cold for so, so long. The warmth of the flame felt like heaven. He wanted to go closer, he wanted to embrace the warmth. For a moment he did not care about the grotesque had that the flame stood on. He did not pay attention to the chilling glare of the blood red eyes.
Jacob nudged closer and closer to the flame. He wanted it. He nudged closer and closer to the edge of the Light. He was going to cross. But then he heard a whisper in his ear.
“Stop.”
Jacob reeled back. The glare of the red eyes only became more and more intense. The flame coming from its shriveled and elongated hand only became brighter and warmer. It was trying lure Jacob away from the Light. Jacob wanted to touch. He desired it desperately. But he knew that if he chose it the Light would the abandon him. He needed the Light. Didn’t he? Jacob stayed frozen in this torn state of mind for a few minutes. As he contemplated as to what he should do he heard the Light whisper in his ear once more.
“Do not be swayed to sin. Do not repent and stay. This is your true salvation.”
Jacob heard these words. He trusted the Light. He turned to the monstrous creature. The glare of the eyes fell heavily on his spirit. But he resisted its stare and he waved his hand in the air and told it to go.
“Leave!” he yelled. “Leave!”
He heard a growl and an ear piercing screech. The monster’s eyes widened and its stare depended. But Jacob was not intimidated. He stared back the monster and stood his ground. The monster then relented. The fire in its hand died out and its eyes disappeared into darkness as it backed away into the abyss. Jacob breathed a sigh of relief and rested on the cold stone. He then heard the Light whisper once again.
“Well done, faithful Jacob. You have kept your faith and salvation intact”
Jacob was exhausted. His mind was slightly dizzy. But still he heard the Light. But now that he was clear of this threat he began to wonder. He began to doubt. He was still here, still trapped in this place with no escape. He was still no closer to this ‘salvation’ that the Light had promised him. What if everything he was seeing wasn’t real? What if everything he was seeing was a dream? These thoughts ran around Jacob’s head as he huddled closer to the stone wall of the cave.
The Light seemed to sense his displeasure.
“You doubt me?” the Light asked. Jacob looked up at the ledge in surprise. “No, no I do not” he answered plainly as to not seem nervous. But the Light wasn’t fooled.
“You question my authority. You doubt my salvation. And that is unacceptable”
Jacob was now shaking, he was scared. “I have proven myself. I have protected you. I have abided by your commandments. I am faithful. What more do you want?” he pleaded. The Light went silent. But then he heard its raspy whisper again.
“Sacrifice… sacrifice”
Jacob stared on with eyes unable to fathom what he had just heard. “What do you mean sacrifice? There is nothing here!”
“No” replied the Light. “There is much here. So, so much…”
Jacob didn’t understand. He didn’t know what to do or what the Light meant. But then the Light finally gave him some clarity. Though it was not what he was expecting.
“Look beyond the light. Look to the darkness and see your final sacrifice”
Jacob looked at the abyss. He could see nothing at first. The confusion and fear I his mind only made him panic. He scanned the ground around very closely. He then noticed something on the ground. Something and still and cold looking. It wasn’t a rock or anything rough. Rather it was smooth and pale. It looked like…like flesh.
“Reach out and take it” said the Light,
Jacob was desperate. He was scared. Scared of the darkness. But he had to abide by the Light. So he reached out his hands passed where the Light’s reach ended. He reached out and grabbed the mysterious object. It was large and heavy and very, very cold. He slowly pulled it towards him. And once he got it into the Light he realized what it was. A realization that made him gasp in horror.
It was a human hand, a human corpse. But not just any corpse, it was his.
Jacob looked at the paralyzed body, pale and dead. It was as though he was looking at a mirror. Every aspect of the corpse was similar to his. Even to the finest detail. Jacob was confused. He was horrified but he still didn’t know what the Light wanted from him.
“What…What am I supposed to do with this?”
“Your final sacrifice. To attain salvation you must show your face. You must devour the flesh, you must devour the mind”
Jacob looked at the Light with a terrified stare. He thought about it. He didn’t want to do it. He was absolutely detested by the mere thought of it. But he knew the Light. He knew that disobeying the Light was a sin that he would be forever damned for. He was scared of the dark and he was willing to do anything to stay away from it.
He looked at the corpse. He needed to find a way to get to the mind. Jacob grabbed one of the nearby rocks. His hands shook as his mind switched between whether or not he wanted to do it. He was desperate. He raised the rock above the cold head of the corpse and brought it down on the skull like a hammer. The skin in his forehead burst and bruised and blood began to ooze out. But Jacob just kept hammering away. He neat in the corpse’s face with a stone until he finally broke the skull. He used all his strength to break apart the head of corpse. By doing so blood burst out like a fountain and covered both his hand and the rocky ground.
“Good…” he heard the Light whisper.
Jacob pulled apart the corpse’s head and reached into its grotesque insides. He felt around the skull and reached far enough until he reached the brain. He grabbed and with all his remaining might pulled it out of the battered and shredded skull. He was beyond disgusted. He looked at wet, blood covered brain in his hands. He thought he would run out of strength but his desperation kept him going.
“Now devour. PROVE YOUR FAITH!” the Light shouted.
Jacob looked at the organ in his hands. His mind was conflicted. It was tearing itself apart. He had to do it. He needed to.
Or did he?
It was at that moment that his mind attained a state of clarity. He didn’t need to do. This was too far. He had been pushed to his limit and he shall not be pushed further. He put down the brain and turned to the Light.
“No!” he shouted. “I will not abide by you anymore!”
The Light went silent. The cave around him grumbled and its voice boomed I his head like thunder.
“You refuse! You have chosen DAMNATION!”
The Light then began to flicker and dim. But before it could go dark Jacob picked up the bloody rock and threw it over the ledge at the Light as an act of rebellion. He didn’t care whether he will be damned. He will no longer live like this. The cave around him began to grumble and the rock it the wall of the ledge. Jacob then heard an ear piercing screech in his mind. He then saw the Light move as though it had been hit by the rock. It let out a horrifying scream as it came crashing down from the ledge and onto the ground next to Jacob. Jacob looked at it with utter shock but once his mind processed what had just happened he realized that the ‘Light’ wasn’t what he thought it was.
For what stood in front of him was nothing more than an electric torch.
The cave then went silent. The grumbling stopped. Jacob realized that corpse was gone and the blood had disappeared. He blinked several times and rubbed his eyes in exhaustion and confusion. Had all of this been real? Or was it a dream? Jacob didn’t care at this point. He wanted to get out of here. Out of his cold, rocky hell. Jacob wasn’t scared of the darkness and he wasn’t scared of the Light. He was now in control. He was the one with the power. He grabbed the torch and took it into his hand and waved it around the dark cave. He looked around the cave until he finally saw an exit. A stone arch leading into an unknown place. It was so close. It always had been. He just wasn’t looking. With the torch in his hand he stood with the help of the stone ledge and his painfully yet joyously limped his way to the exit with hope written on his face. The light illuminated the way and he made his way out of the cave. Jacob lived, lived to see the sun again. He wasn’t damned. He wasn’t forsaken. He had found salvation. He had found it, and reached it, by himself. He was his savior. He was his own road to deliverance.
Fin.
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